It is really annoying when a meeting or movie is undergoing and out of sudden, the phone is ringing…

I know they want to show off their ring tone, mp3 format, lossless quality, dynamic surround sound quality and show the hippy side of them, but please not during a business meeting with your colleagues, bosses or clients or in a movie.

This will only show where your professionalism level is. In your ass I guess.

Another tragic is they like to leave their mobile phone on their workplace, when the phone is ringing, they are nowhere to be seen. So the phone keeps ringing nonstop. It gets really annoying when the phone is set to maximum mind blasting volume.

Can’t they just be smart enough to know the importance of the occasion and automatically turn their phone to silent? Do these office assholes need to be reminded just like those advertisement in cinema to politely request you to turn off or silent your mobile phone? Even a nine year old know how to turn off the phone during the class. Asshole!

These office assholes working in a multinational company, carrying high qualification from famous institution or university, dressing in branded and looking smart and professional, earning high salary, but do not know how and when to turn their mobile into silent according to occasion and importance. Asshole!

Once I was really pissed off because my colleague left his modified, pimped Nokia 3310 to extra loud volume ringing nonstop while he was away the whole day, I composed a song into his phone and set it as primary ring tone. The song I composed was,

“Ke ren lai, kan ba ba, ba ba bu zai jia, wo qing ke ren xian zuo xia, zai jing yi bei cha”

Everybody in the office burst into laughter every time his phone starts ringing. Of course, he was trying to figure out who was the bastard that altered his ring tone. Well, if you don’t be an asshole, nobody will be a bastard.

If you are reading this and you are behaving like that and none of your colleagues confronted you being an asshole, let me tell you that you are an asshole, asshole!

If you know anybody who behaving like that, ask them to read this or do me and the rest of the world a favor by educate them, tell them not to be an asshole.

At this moment, you hear the sound of your table being scratched or lightly tapped. You thought your colleague is standing behind you looking and seeking for your attention. You turned and look, nobody was there and someone just passed by.

There are these kind of people with such habit that what they did were just to go to the destination and on their way will pass by your cubicle. Unintentionally, for no reason, when they approaching your cubicle, lift the arm up, place the palm facing down with the fingers pointing your table and runs the nails across the surface of the table as if wolverine is running his titanium claws over the walls. Or they could be tapping their fingers on your table back and forth as they passing by.

When their fingers reach the end of the table, continue to walk as if nothing happen. And repeat the sequence on the next table. Or they chose selected tables only.

These office bastards didn’t realize that they are disturbing and annoying other people at their work by having this small little bad habit.

Out of ten times I turned my head and look when this happen, eleven times was I saw those office bastards finished running their fingers on my table and continue their walk and not noticing there is a hulk to be with 180 heart beats per minutes pumping and staring at them.

I am getting fed up confronting to them about their bad habit and behavior.

These might be able to help them to stop and drop their bad habit (in order according to severity):

• Send them email and confront them
• Send them email and confront them, cc their boss
• Catch them in the act and confront them
• Lay some printer toner on your table (Remember white chalk under your desk during primary school?) Then offer them to eat something nice as they passing by (Preferably oily food, yeah, finger lickin’ good)
• Spray some super glue on top of your table (Preferably elephant brand)
• Place a motion sensor and hook it up with a few pen knives laying and deploy upon detecting motion at 19.38 degrees with the sharp edge pointing against direction of motion

To solve a problem, first is to find the root of the cause.

Some lift has longer waiting period on their door’s motion sensor before it closes. If nobody presses the close button, basically everybody in the lift are wasting their precious time, staring at each other awkwardly, smelling each other’s fart, putting more strain on your neck as you only look down the floor or up the ceiling and ended up being slapped and accused for sexual harassment for staring, fainted due to overdose on inhaling methane with hydrogen and ammonia, and neck pain that is more severe than formula one drivers sustained in a high speed corner at Istanbul Park circuit at turn 8 for more than 5g.

It is very frustrated when this is happening. Why can’t just the person closest to the button press the close button and rather to wait?

Through my observation, people that don’t like to press the button are usually higher position personnel in an office building. They think they are the boss, yes they might be, pressing the lift button for others is like a low class job for them, and so they just ignore it.

Another type of people that will rather wait for the lift door close automatically is elderly people. For them, what is the point for rushing? A few seconds don’t make a difference.

My humble suggestion and opinion, the person that come in last should always have the courtesy to press the close button. If the operational panel is unreachable, the person that stands next to the panel should have the courtesy to press the button.

If you think you are so high class and will not press the button for others, please don’t stand next to the operation buttons. Best yet, build your own building with private lift, have an operator operate the buttons for you. Or just stop taking the same lift with some low class people like me that probably will downgrade your image and put you into tabloid headlines by just standing next to you.

In our highly competitive business world, everything is about efficiency and accuracy. Try asking someone to surf the net with 14.4kbps while we can get a fast broadband connection. Try asking Usain Bolt to run slower than 10 seconds in 100 meters, of course he can because he can run a world record of 9.58 in 100 meters. But if you are as fat and only exercise your index fingers for mouse clicking and typing (yes I type with index fingers only) as me, and want to run a competitive time for 100 meters in less than 10 seconds, hell no!

Just do me, maybe not for me, but at least for yourself a favour whenever you are in this situation, get in the lift last, have the courtesy to press the close button. Or if you are standing closest to the operation panel, press the close button for others immediately after the last person got onboard.

Educate others. Thank you.

Participant: This function is not included in the system, right?

Presenter: Yes, you are right.

Presenter carries on with presentation.

Participant: Excuse me, earlier you mentioned that this function will be in the system.

Presenter: Which function?

Participant: Earlier I asked about the function in the system.

Presenter: Yes, I did reply to your question.

Participant: You said the function will be in the system.

Presenter: No, I did not.

Participant: But earlier you did reply yes?

Presenter: You were asking me the question ending with a “right”, so I replied your question by agrees with your statement. Yes, you are right. I don’t mean yes to the function is included in the system.

Participant: Sorry.

The whole meeting room had an awkward moment of silent.

Moral of the story, ask your question clearly and listen for the answer carefully, don’t just listen to the first part and make your own assumptions for the remaining of the answer.

Usually I’ll greet or at least nod my head with eye contact whenever I meet these people in office regardless I know them or not, because we are all in the same workplace.

There is this Malay lady whom I guess is from building maintenance management based on her outfit, walkie-talkie in her hand, running from place to place for checkup daily, she came to me when I was playing games working with my eyes staring on my notebook and greet me! I didn’t realize she was around me until she greeted me and I look away from my notebook and greet back to her.

A few more people whom I don’t know and didn’t work with me passed by my cubicle and greeted me and asked me whether I have my breakfast/lunch. Strangely, I barely know them by names except for their faces. It is very kind and friendly of them to someone don’t work for them.

Another case wasn’t happen in office, but somewhere out of town in Sungai Long just after a pouring rain. As I was reaching my car to drive out, an Indian man approached me and informed me not to use the main highway as it was blocked by a tree caused by heavy rain and strong wind blows earlier and it causes a massive traffic jam, advised me to use an alternative road instead.

I thanked him but this Indian man didn’t inform this piece of information to other people as they too going to their car and wanted to drive out I assumed. I don’t understand why this is happening as he will not know whether I am driving out of Sungai Long or am I from Sungai Long itself.

Today, I was on my notebook reading some news online, this cleaning lady came to me out of nowhere and tells me that she will clean my workstation in the evening. I was completely surprised by her action!

• First, I didn’t inform the cleaning lady to clean my workstation.
• Secondly, my workstation is not dirty or messy, it is as clean as Britney spears shaved her head bald.
• Lastly, she don’t work for me, she is working for my client and I’m based in their office as vendor, even though she is responsible to clean up my workstation, doesn’t mean I can instruct them to do work.

Maybe it is my luck, I don’t know as I’m really surprised by their action, their kindness, friendliness. I do hope we can have more of these people around us, I’m sure we will have better environment to work in and to live in. 1Malaysia.